Couples Relationship Assessment – Sec tion 2 – Look Within: The Journey Begins with “I”

Couples Relationship Assessment

Section 2

Look Within: The Journey Begins with “I”

When you enter into an intimate relationship, you inevitably bring your past along with you. The experience of romantic love in its earliest stage often involves feelings of deep and unconditional safety, trust, respect, admiration, friendship and passion.

As time marches on, you may become aware of each other’s vulnerabilities, limitations and negative habits. Perhaps conflicts become more frequent and intense so that you feel unsafe, unloved or uncared for. This is when disappointment, frustration, defensiveness, resentment, contempt and anger typically emerge. At this stage of the relationship the real job of loving begins.

Now is the time to look deep inside to recognize your contributions to the conflict. You must accept absolute personal responsibility for your words, actions and behaviors. Moving ahead, you must release your partner from the burden of being your savior.

Taking ownership and responsibility must occur in order to break through denials of your emotional wounds, fears and reactivity. Ending denial is foremost in preventing conflict from destroying your relationship.

If you are in the midst of relationship distress and turmoil, you will be hard pressed to uncover the true core of your struggle. Becoming glued to everyday surface issues and problems, you will identify with superficial content while ignoring the deeper rhythm of your relationship dance. It is not until you gain the insight and self-awareness to look intensely into your own mirror that you begin “knowing.”

No two individuals share the same perspective. Recognition and understanding of your partner’s perspectives are precursors to healthy communication. Such insight is also a prerequisite for the feelings of mutual safety, trust, respect, and admiration. Once you begin to understand one another’s views of the current state of the relationship, you are in the right position to change and Co-Create the relationship of your dreams.